Fallen
by totheendoftheworldortime79
Summary: The Jedi have a code. Feelings are forbidden, but on the most romantic day of the year, Poe Dameron decides to take a chance. AU post TLJ.


**Author's note:** Just a little Valentine's Day inspired one shot. Warning: this fic was enabled by the Damerey Discord and partially inspired by the leaked Ep IX script. Nothing too spoilery if you haven't read it, but if you have, you'll see the influence. Canon wise, this would be AU from TLJ. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I applied for a job at Lucasfilm once?

**Fallen**

Poe stared at the datapad, expecting it to have answers. It did, just not to the questions he had. There was so much he wanted to do, so much he wanted to _say_, but he held himself back. He _had _to. There was so much more at stake than his heart.

"That doesn't look like a flight roster."

Poe closed his eyes briefly before turning to his General. "I was just checking…" he began.

"You don't have to make excuses, Captain. I'm not upset. Just concerned."

Poe leaned back heavily in his chair. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not." Leia sat down across from him; they were in a semi secluded corner of the command center. He'd come there to think when he was supposed to be reviewing the state of the Resistance's squadrons. He'd gotten his old job back; he was determined to do it right this time. This wasn't the time to get distracted by things he couldn't change.

"Tired," he confessed quietly. He was tired in more ways than one; this war didn't seem to have an end. Every day, people he loved were in danger; it was exhausting.

"She'll be back soon."

Poe couldn't look his mentor in the eye. If Leia could read him so easily, then he was utterly karked. He'd carried these feelings for a while now, so long it felt like they'd always been a part of him. "Leia, it's not…"

The older woman cut him off again. "No use in lying to me, Poe. I've been watching you two for quite a while."

Poe groaned. "I swear, nothing's happened. I would never…"

Leia rested her wrinkled hand over his. "No need to get so defensive, my boy. I'm happy for you."

His brow creased in confusion. "But she's a Jedi. It's not allowed…"

"And who said that? Some old man a thousand years ago? The world has changed, Poe. It's okay to change with it."

He didn't know what to say. Even if that were true, he didn't know how Rey felt about him. He'd loved her from afar for years now, almost from the moment they met. Of course, that didn't stop them from getting into some pretty spectacular fights. They were both willful, stubborn, and fiercely protective of those they loved. She was training to be a Jedi; anything he felt for her was doomed. He knew that, yet, he couldn't stop himself from worrying every time she went out on a mission or making sure he was there to watch her back.

He didn't know what he would do if something happened to her.

"Would you at least take some advice from an old woman?" Poe nodded. "Tell her. Tell her how you feel. Don't wait, like I did." She and Han had some wonderful years together, but they could have had more if she hadn't spent so long pushing him away. Rey and Poe were very reminiscent of them; it was eerie. It did her soul good to see that love and hope could still be found in the galaxy.

Poe wanted so desperately to take her advice. Even if they only ever remained friends, at least the weight would be lifted from his chest. He wanted to say the words, out loud.

Late that night, he lay in his bunk, unable to sleep. He never slept well when his friends were out on missions without him, but this was different. They'd gotten word from Finn a few hours ago, letting them know that he and Rey were on their way back. They were safe. Poe celebrated with all the others, pointedly ignoring the look in Leia's eyes.

Should he take her advice? How would Rey react? What if he made an utter fool of himself? While that didn't normally bother him, he'd never really felt this way about anyone else. Sometimes, it was almost like they could read each other's minds. A few months ago, they'd gotten into a hairy situation while flying the Falcon; they'd worked seamlessly, anticipating each other's moves, while Chewie complained in the background. He felt _alive_ when he was with her, like he finally knew where he was supposed to be.

He was utterly, _completely_ in love with her.

Frustrated, he rolled on his side, catching a glimpse of his chrono. What day was it? He admittedly lost count. He knew Rey and Finn had been gone for three days. Three days too long in his opinion. He'd been off world flying another mission when they got called on to retrieve some new bit of intel. It was the only reason he wasn't with them, right now, on the Falcon.

BB-8 roused from his charging station, beeping. "No, buddy. I'm good. Just wondering what day it is."

The droid took that as a command, quickly rattling off the date in binary. It took him a moment to absorb the information; when his sluggish brain caught up, he sat up with a start. Lover's Day was less than two days away. He'd completely forgotten. Granted, he'd had no reason to celebrate over the last few years; there was too much going on.

For a moment, it felt like the galaxy was mocking him, returning the woman he loved to him on the most romantic day on the calendar. A woman who had no idea how he felt and might not even feel the same way. Even if she did, she might feel bound by that idiotic Jedi Code. Gods, he'd never hated anything as much as he hated that. What was the point of living a life without love and companionship?

But maybe…the galaxy was giving him a chance? This one chance to lay all his cards out on the table. At least then he would know. But how?

* * *

Rey scanned the well wishers as she descended the Falcon's gangway. Finn was ahead of her, hugging Rose, smiling widely. She searched for familiar dark curls; she tried to ignore the way her heart clenched. Poe was always there when she returned from a mission, his worried brown eyes lighting up with relief. Only this time, he was nowhere to be seen.

She smiled and waved mechanically, pausing to greet Rose as well. She was tired; all she wanted was rest. At least there she would be free of the hold a certain pilot had on her heart.

She tried not to think about him. She really did. She spent long hours meditating. She trained hard so she could have dreamless sleep. She pretended that he drove her crazy so that no one would suspect her secret, least of all the man himself. She was protecting him as much as herself. The Jedi Code was very clear, no attachments. Loving Poe Dameron was hopeless, no matter what Leia said. What kind of Jedi would she be if she abandoned the teachings of a thousand generations?

Leia would be expecting her, but Rey headed toward her quarters instead. All she wanted was a go in the fresher and some sleep. She was surprised to find BB-8 outside her door, waiting patiently. Rey smiled, kneeling down to give his antenna a fond tweak. "Hi." The droid beeped happily. "Yeah, I missed you too."

To her even greater shock, the droid followed her inside. She opened her mouth to question it when she spotted something on her bed. It was a stack of freshly laundered clothes, tunic, leggings…and Poe's Resistance jacket. She'd know it anywhere. Dark brown leather, the Resistance patch sewn into the sleeve. He'd been wearing it the first time she met him, a moment seared into her memory. She ran her fingers over it, wondering what it was doing in her quarters.

Tucked into the middle of the jacket was a note, written in Poe's untidy scrawl.

_Rey,_

_I'm sure you're exhausted, but could you meet me outside the base? BB-8 knows where. I think we need to talk. I missed you, Sunshine._

_Poe_

Her heart hammered in his chest. Poe wanted to talk? Fear and elation coiled in her belly. He missed her! But why would he want to talk away from everyone else? _You know the answer,_ she thought, dread settling in her stomach. He couldn't love her. He _couldn't_. They couldn't be together. She was a Jedi. It was forbidden.

She thought about sending BB-8 back to him with a message, but she couldn't. She wasn't a coward. She would just have to face him and lie. Lie about how she felt so he could move on with his life. She wanted him to be happy; he deserved it.

She got cleaned up as best she could, slipping into the clothes Poe had left for her. She tugged on his jacket, enjoying the way the leather settled on her shoulders. It smelled like him, grease and earth and spice. She breathed deeply for a moment, trying to memorize it. After today, she'd never have it again.

BB-8 led her beyond the boundaries of the base, out into the forest. She recognized the area she did much of her training in, but the droid led her even deeper into the forest. Butterflies roiled in her belly; she was terrified. The woods opened into a small clearing; as soon as she spotted the crashed fighter, she knew why it existed in the first place.

There, under the moss covered broken wing, stood Poe Dameron.

Her breath caught. He wasn't dressed any differently than normal, but he took her breath away all the same. Poe was probably the most handsome man she'd ever met; he looked at her now with a hopeful expression.

"I wasn't sure you would come."

Rey glanced away. "I wasn't either."

Poe approached slowly, admiring her in his jacket. Her usual Jedi trappings were missing, but she was still stunning. Her hair was longer than when he'd first met her, cascading down her back for a change. He liked it. "It looks good on you."

Rey flushed. "Poe…"

He shook his head. "I know what you're going to say. We've been doing this dance for months, no, longer. I think we've been doing it since we met."

She didn't deny the truth of his words. She couldn't. He looked so vulnerable, so open. She'd never seen him like this before. Yet, even as he spoke, she could already feel her heart shattering. Why was he doing this to them? Why couldn't things remain as they were?

He was stunned to see a single tear slide down her cheek. Gently, he reached up and brushed it away with his thumb. Rey fought the urge to lean into his touch. "Don't cry."

His tenderness made her angry. "Why are you doing this, Poe? You know what I am! Why are you torturing us like this?"

"So, you do have feelings for me."

She huffed, starting to shrug out of his jacket. "This was a mistake."

But Poe caught her hands before she could get the jacket off; it was like an electric shock. She stared at him with wide eyes, almost like she was seeing him for the first time. "That's why," he said earnestly. He moved his palm, pressing against hers and threading their fingers together. "You can be angry at me, hate me if you want, but I can't deny how I feel anymore, Rey."

Rey felt another tear slide down her cheek; she knew she should pull away, but she didn't have the strength. Not when he was looking at her like this. It was what she'd longed for, even when she couldn't admit it. "Poe, I _can't_, we _can't…"_

"I'm sorry," he whispered. He could see how much this was tearing her up; he shouldn't have burdened her with this. "I imagined this a thousand different ways. I thought when I realized what today was that it was some kind of sign, but I never want to hurt you, Sunshine. You're too important to me."

Rey blinked. "Today? What's today?"

Poe sighed, resigned. He let her go before stepping back. "Lover's Day. The one day on the calendar solely dedicated to the person you love." Rey inhaled sharply, staring into his eyes. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I need to say it. Just once. Just once, then I'll never say it again. We can forget this ever happened, okay?" He took a deep breath. "I am in love with you, Rey. So completely that it scares me. I know who you are, what you are, but I can't seem to stop. I don't want to. I just needed you to know that."

Rey stood there, stock still, speechless. She'd never quite let herself believe it before. Sure, she caught him staring at her, his eyes longing. They sometimes hugged a beat too long. They fought and protected each other, but she'd fooled herself into believing that was what friends did. It was easier that way, pretending, so that her heart didn't shatter into a thousand tiny pieces.

Yet, here he was on _this_ day, finally declaring out loud that he loved her.

It was brave and foolish and wonderful; she'd never loved him more than in that moment.

Poe waited with bated breath, holding on to the tiniest shred of hope that she could love him. He didn't deserve someone like her, he knew that. But he wanted to be worthy of her love. A dozen heartbeats, another dozen, neither moved. She looked so conflicted; it broke his heart. He'd spoken his truth; that would need to be enough.

Heart heavy, he started to turn away.

Rey's hand shot out faster than he could blink, catching his arm. Each beat of her heart echoed in her ears, but she didn't hesitate. She closed the space between them and covered his mouth with hers. Poe stiffened for the briefest of seconds before he was kissing her back, holding on for dear life. The kiss was messy and undisciplined, a tangled jumble of lips and tongue and teeth, but it didn't matter.

Years of frustration and love fueled that kiss; Rey clung to Poe's biceps, her knees threatening to give out. He slid his strong arms around her waist, keeping her steady as he stole another kiss from her lips. "Rey, am I dreaming?"

She leaned her forehead against his, torn between breathing and kissing him. "No," she whispered. "You're not dreaming."

He kissed her again, tenderly this time, almost to prove to himself that she was real. "I meant it," he said fervently. "Every single word. I've loved you for so long."

Any resolve she had shattered. She _loved_ him. She couldn't deny her true self to honor some ancient code. Leia was right. All it brought her was pain and misery. Poe held her like she was precious, like she was his whole world. "I know." She reached up and stroked his cheek. "Poe, I…I love you, too."

His smile made her heart flutter. "Yeah?"

She smiled back. "Yeah."

Poe couldn't resist; he kissed her again. "Even better than I imagined."

She blushed. "You imagined that?"

It was his turn to flush. "I tried not to, but I couldn't help myself."

Rey glanced away. "I'm sorry." She hated that she'd made him feel that way. She hated that her adherence to some ridiculous code cost them _time._

"Hey, none of that. You didn't do anything wrong, Sunshine. Neither of us did."

"Leia, she tried to tell me…"

Poe chuckled. "Me too."

"She did?"

"While you were gone. She's why I took a chance on us."

Rey smiled fondly. "You've always been reckless."

"Takes one to know, Jedi."

She felt so much _lighter_ now; it hit her that this was what happiness felt like. "Am I still a Jedi?"

Poe looked thoughtful. "I think you can be whatever you want to be. I'd like to share it with you, if you'll have me."

Rey's throat tightened. Her existence had been so lonely; she never expected to have anyone to share it with. But she wanted to. She wanted Poe by her side. Rather than try to speak, she threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. He was warm and solid; she felt safe.

"Is that a yes?" he asked without letting her go.

She nodded into his neck. "Yes. Yes!"

She screeched as Poe suddenly picked her up and spun them around in the grass. Soon they were both a bit dizzy, but giddy with happiness. When he set her back on her feet, he kissed her, a soul searing kiss that had her clutching at his shirt for balance.

Rey decided that Lover's Day was her favorite day of the year.


End file.
